I’m a perfectionist. About everything. And therefore run the risk of this blog never getting started while I wait to come up with the perfect blog name, the perfect template, the perfect banner image, the perfect layout, and particularly the perfect First Post. Except if we’re honest, I accidentally managed to push publish on this blog before I’d actually even written this post, so maybe I’m managing to undermine some of my perfectionist tendencies. Either way, I figured if I just rambled my way through this post, and got something up, then I’d have started and I’d be able to focus on all the following posts being perfect instead. Because sometimes even if you don’t know how, it’s better to get started and figure things out along the way, rather than being frozen and not making a start at all. And this is what I’m having to do with life at the moment. I don’t know how to live a life where I don’t have children. As long as I can remember, I’ve been dreaming and planning of when I have kids, and how that’ll look, and now that dreams gone I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s basically an identity crisis and I have to rebuild myself and my life. I don’t know how to do that, but I guess I have to start somewhere with something – so I’m starting with this blog. Hopefully by telling my story as I go along, I’ll find people to connect with (I talk to myself enough as it is, so please interact with me so I don’t feel like this blog is shouting into an abyss!) and if my ramblings happen to help someone else feel heard, understood & less alone, then something good will have come out of something shitty. What I post will be a mix of journal entries (stream of consciousness ramblings mostly) and some more thought-out posts about specific topics – and I’m sure you’ll realise pretty quickly that that saying about some peoples brains being like internet browsers with too many tabs open, is pretty relevant for me!