‘Dem Feels

This week hasn’t been a great week. I had grand plans of being productive, eating healthy and exercising lots. In reality it came down to survival. I figured if I ate something it was a start, I tried to have some healthy food rather than a perfect diet. I aimed for some movement each day, rather than reaching my step goal every day. And counted those things as my productivity for each day.

It was the first whole week on my own, with Mr away – and with nothing specific planned. This is hard for me, as when I’m not feeling great, my tendency is to climb under a rock and hide there from the world – rather than reaching out to people which is probably what I actually need to do. So I found myself going out for coffee each day – it meant I was around people so felt less alone, but actually didn’t need to interact with anyone, which I didn’t have the energy for. Except those sales assistants hanging out by the shop entrance waiting to pounce. Can’t they tell I’m not in a chatty mood? I felt like I had a neon sign saying “steer clear” such was my mood, but maybe I actually did need the sign!

Not being in any routine, also meant I didn’t have any good self-care plans in place. I went to bed a bit late because I was distracting myself with TV, then it’d take ages to get to sleep because my brain was going over time or I was crying, so then it was really hard to get out of bed in the morning. I’d hit snooze, or reset the alarm, then I’d faff about on the Internet, then when I finally got up, I’d intersperse putting my contacts in and getting dressed with checking social media again (& again), then if I dragged myself out for a walk I found I couldn’t make myself walk very fast, & then walking would give me too much thinking time so I’d make the walk short. And then because I wasn’t sleeping well, I was having more coffee & carbs to get me through the day (cheese scone anyone?), and finding excuses to get sugary treats. Which probably wasn’t helping me sleep any better either. Vicious cycle much?

To top things off I also got a cold, quite likely I’m run down from all the stress and coming off all the hormone drugs. Also its the week before AF is due – I often get a cold or coldsores then, such fun. I realised I’d stopped taking my multivitamin when our cycle ended…so that possibly wasn’t helping. Thought I’d start again…of course the only fricken multivitamin in the cupboard is the Elivit one – damn pregnancy supplements!

My friend also had her baby at the beginning of the week. I’m not up for visiting yet, but I thought I’d make her a gift – turns out sewing a gift for someone else’s baby that was due 6weeks before your own is really bloody hard on your heart!

So tonight, I’m heading out for cocktails with some girlfriends – hopefully that will help me find some more positive feels than all the others I’ve had this week!

*PS I must say, thank you so much to all of you who have read, liked & commented on my blog so far. It helps me to feel like I have done something this week by seeing I’m not just talking to myself xo