Coping strategies – or lack of.

Last night wasn’t the first night I cried myself to sleep – though this is one of the few times I’ve admitted to it (silly isn’t it, feeling embarrassed about giving into tears). Sleep is proving more difficult than normal, which automatically lowers my coping abilities. Needless to say, today was it was a very tired me, trying to stay awake through Uni classes and attempt to interact with people normally.

Besides this lack of coping….all my normal coping strategies don’t seem to be of any help. Normally I like escaping into a trashy novel – I’m finding that most of them have the ability to make me cry (not really what I want when catching the train to town) or I’m not really that interested in someone else story. I’m even less interested in the magazine I normally like browsing – don’t really want to know how well someone else life is going! The reality is, I just don’t really care about anything at the moment.

Walking, gives too much time for thinking (and we all know how bad that can be!), colouring in can be the same. Having a nice coffee in a cafe, generally results in seeing babies and families, so I just feel sad again. Sunshine doesn’t seem to make its way into my heart & uplift me anymore – -if anything it causes some dissonance as I feel my mood should match the sunshine but it doesn’t.

So I look for distractions, keeping busy, unfortunately while I have lots of study I should do, I’m struggling to concentrate on it – it’s so easy to think of everything you shouldn’t dwell on while trying to read about everything I’m supposed to be learning.

But when it comes to bedtime (which I find myself delaying most nights) there aren’t any distractions, I can’t turn my brain off, and there’s no hiding from the pain.
Tell me, what are your most effective coping strategies? Maybe you can help me find some new ones xo

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17 thoughts on “Coping strategies – or lack of.

  1. If you have some friends without kids, it can be fun to meet up with them and spend an evening talking about other stuff. I like reading and tv shows but you’re right that certain themes can pop up everywhere and be difficult. My pet peeve now is when someone on tv has sex once and then boom, pregnant! You could try to plan some activities that you couldn’t do with kids such as going out dancing or a spa weekend, eating in a fancy restaurant. Something to look forward to. I’m sorry about the difficultly sleeping. Thinking of you and sending hugs!

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  2. Hey, Hun: I am in the middle of a sleepless night as I write this. I will have to reflect on how I cope when I get more rest. The only thing that comes to mind right now is magnesium – in the form of magnesium glycinate, raw cocoa, and wheatgrass. I wouldn’t recommend mixing raw cocoa and wheatgrass together, but both are rich in magnesium. how about kegel exercises? Those put me to sleep.
    Hugs.

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    • Sorry you’re not sleeping! I take a melatonin tablet some nights (left overs from during IVF) but they don’t seem to be having such a magical effect like previously. I’ll have a look into Kegal exercises. Thanks xo

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      • Thanks. I took melatonin last night, too. 5 mg. Melatonin helps with falling asleep but it doesn’t help with staying asleep. Valerian root helps with staying asleep. I don’t take it because it’s not recommended for TTC. Yes, do kegels while sipping red raspberry leaf/nettle tea steeped in lemon zest and cinnamon. I’m going to try going back to bed now. Good night.

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  3. Oooh, lucky you going to Adele!

    Aah, coping mechanisms. I remember (the one time I went to a counsellor) asking for coping mechanisms when I was grieving my second ectopic and facing infertility, and realising that I just had to get through it. That said, there are things you can do that help.
    Gratitude (part of mindfulness?) helps. Even if it is laughing at something silly on TV or enjoying the sight or sound of a tui. That moment of gratitude helps – in the bad times, you know that you can feel joy or gratitude.
    I also found writing down how I was feeling before I went to bed (either during the day or in the evening) helped clear my mind of what I wanted to say/think, allowing me to sleep better.

    I’ll go and look up some of my writings and see if I can think of anything else …

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    • Yeah Along the lines of gratitude I’m doing #100happydays photo challenge at the moment, so I look for something happy/that I like each day. I’m finding tho that I can see things that are good in my life, but I don’t seem to actually feel the good things πŸ˜•

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  4. While I can’t be prescriptive, as there are so many places on this journey, all of them nuanced and important, I can leave you with the “rules of thumb” I learned along the way. My process may be different than yours, or this may not be what you need now, so if this doesn’t resonate you can throw it out:-)

    1) The more we resist our pain, the larger it looms. When we feel our feelings, they move through and out when they are ready.
    2) Feeling what we feel takes courage, time and boatloads of energy. It needs to be done in doses, and not in the presence of those who don’t get it.
    3) “Sitting in it” is sometimes the only way through and is a great act of self compassion.
    4) Pain may be all you can feel for awhile and that’s ok. While how we feel is an important, informative part of us, what we feel does not define us. In other words “I feel that” does not equal “I am that”.
    5) When there is room again for some joy to surface, it returns different but sometimes more potent than ever. When we become intimate with our pain, all feelings become more vivd. When we resist our pain, everything becomes dull.

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