Flowers in Winter

I wasn’t really planning on this being a metaphorical post, but now that I’ve created a title I can see how it could be one….

A few years ago someone close to us was given a Daphne bush when they had an ectopic pregnancy, and then when we had our miscarriage last year, they gave us one. I haven’t known anyone who’s had a miscarriage/baby loss since ours, but I’ve often thought it’d be a nice thing to do – who knows, maybe it would become a ‘thing’ to give a Daphne bush to someone grieving their baby and that future.

Last week I noticed that this Daphne bush had started flowering – it’s possibly a little early (but plants seem to be a bit confused with our weather here….I have hyacinths flowering already!), but it reminded me that in a couple of weeks it will be a year since our last transfer, and then a year since we lost our well loved embryo. And while nothing really takes a way that pain, I figure being reminded by a pretty flower (and I love the scent too) is one of the better ways to be reminded.

And while I don’t really feel like I’m blooming, I’m still alive, taking one day at a time, so I guess a bush that flowers most in winter shows its possible to survive the dark days.

Do you have any special reminders of your losses?

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5 thoughts on “Flowers in Winter

  1. We have a huge daphne, it smells so awesome in the early spring! I have a Jizo statue in my garden with a necklace around it that I used to wear during my IVF cycles for good luck and that I put on it after our miscarriage (I wrote about it in cycle 5: https://theecofeminist.com/2016/10/09/mizuko-kuyo-and-other-ponderings-during-the-8dw/).

    When my husband’s father died we planted a hostas in our yard for him and when my father died I planted a blueberry bush as well.

    It’s a strange thing though I have to admit, as I’m glad I commemorated it but at the same time it’s a constant reminder.

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    • I’ve read about the Jizo statue somewhere else, they sound like a good idea.
      Yeah I hear, it’s nice to commemorate these things in a tangible way but it does also mean no escape from it.

      Like

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