Raw Honesty

So often we’re told to keep positive when going through shitty times, like infertility treatment etc, and while I know on some levels this helps, I think it’s also good to acknowledge the reality of unsuccessful treatment, and all that goes with dealing with the losses and disappointments. Lots of articles and blogs about people dealing with infertility talk about the silver linings, how much they’ve grown as a person, how they’re stronger now, more compassionate etc but often I find myself thinking that I haven’t grown or hot stronger –  and that maybe there’s something wrong with me. Sure, I get up out of bed everyday and do the things that are expected of me (like going to uni…possibly not things like going to baby showers!) but that doesn’t leave me feeling stronger. In fact most of the time I just feel tired, exhausted with life.

I appreciate the intent behind those articles and blogs – trying to give those of us struggling some hope and to feel like we’re not the only ones, but sometimes I just want to know how people are really feeling – the shitty, bitchy dark thoughts that take over when they’re not putting on a brave face and coping with the world. Because really, we spend most of our days in the offline world, trying to look like we’re doing ok, and surviving so I figure surely our blogs and articles are the places for that raw honesty. And I find I feel less alone when I read about others honest shitty thoughts, that maybe I’m not so bitchy after all. (Having said that I don’t want my blog to always be negative, and to sound like I’m a Moaning Minnie!). Because I think in sharing our pain we can create stronger connections with people – I know for myself its not easy showing my true thoughts and feelings to the world, especially now I’m well practiced at putting on a brave face and keeping on keeping on!

There are a few blog posts I’ve read in the past few months where I saw some more raw honesty, and while I wish these bloggers weren’t experiencing the pain, I was grateful they shared it with us readers – maybe you’d like to read them too, from The Ecofeminist, Delayed But Not Denied and Breathe, Write, Repeat.

Sharing our experiences with the world so honestly reminds me of this poem, which has always rung true to me….

So my request of you is, keep sharing your good days but share your honest shitty thoughts too 😊

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12 thoughts on “Raw Honesty

  1. Wow I can identify so much with this. I’m not sure I have grown stronger either, when I look back on last year and even this year with still trying to deal with my miscarriage, I don’t feel stronger… I feel like we spent so much time, energy, money and we have absolutely nothing to show for it, i feel tired.
    I get it too about the articles and blogs, I’m definitely someone who focuses on the negative but like you said sometimes you just need to vent about the fact that none of it is really ok and a comfort to see i’m not always alone.
    Thank you so much for sharing these blogs as well.

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  2. I was just telling myself that nobody wants to read my depressing posts – I need to switch it up and then you posted this! Thanks! I feel relieved to know that others need to read shitty thoughts too. 😈

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  3. Thank you for the compliment. Yes, I agree, we put on a front all day but it our writing we can be truthful about what we are feeling – complimentary or not. I love the poem “I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away”. xo J

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  4. I’m such a victim of ‘being strong’, after everything that has gone on for me, I thought the only way forward to bow my head and push on – and that tactic has seen me signed off work with ‘stress’ and a bout of shingles. It wasn’t a healthy choice for me and only now am I learning about feeling my feelings and not just pushing them down and pushing them away. This journey is brutal and heart-breaking, but like you say, you don’t want to appear like you’re moaning all the time! We can definitely afford to let our masks slip through our writing though and hopefully that’s what we’re doing. Take care xx

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    • I think the lack of societal support for infertility reinforces the feeling that we need to be strong and keep going. I hope you’re healing – at least from the shingles, and have some emotional support in place xo

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      • Thank you, yes I’m doing better. Meditation is helping me access a lot of suppressed feelings so I can release them. I’m feeling much healthier and getting perspective on things 👍 But you’re right, because it’s not talked about we assume we just have to bare the brunt and keep going. In our small way though, the awareness we are bringing will hopefully see the beginning of the end of that approach xo

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  5. So true. I also love when bloggers are really honest about their shitty days and not just putting on a brave face. Facebook and instagram are where lives look perfect, blogs are where you find out what’s really going on! I also like this blogger, if you don’t know her (who is now facing life without kids after many years of unsuccesfful treatment or adoption) http://mypathtomommyhood.blogspot.de/2017/07/the-important-thing-is-to-get-up.html

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