That Festive Season.

I’ve been meaning to write for ages. I thought once I’d finished Uni for the year I’d have more time and headspace and would get a couple of posts in before Christmas, but now I find it’s 6weeks or so since Uni finished & I’m just scraping together some time & energy to get a post in. Also to everyone who has commented on various blog posts in the last few months – I’ve read them, and appreciated them, and struggled to find the words to reply to them. So, sorry I haven’t replied to you individually. Hopefully I’ll do better at that next year, as I really do like the connections one can make through blogs.

How are you all? How are you coping with the “Festive Season”? Are you like me and lacking in anything like jollyness? I thought that even though I know Christmas is a hard time of year for me, that this year would be tolerable – ‘cos I haven’t done lots of the things I normally do that generally result in me being stressed, tired & overcommitted. I thought having less social occasions that I normally do would help minimise the difficult moments, and therefore this year wouldn’t really be a problem. Jokes on me! Doing less of the normal things has resulted in some less stress, but also means it feels less like Christmas. I wasn’t feeling the Christmas Vibe so I wasn’t too bothered about what we did for Christmas – I thought…..then people started changing occasions around, and having different family events on different days etc…and I wasn’t so keen on change.

I had a moment last week when I suddenly realised why I was a bit out of sorts….the week before Christmas has a couple of ‘those’ dates, so they were looming, I saw several pregnancy announcements, Christmas is hard anyway, Christmas is even harder with some of the weird family dynamics going on, and I had PMS. Yay, so F#$king typical of that to start right when I already have enough emotional stuff to deal with.

And while some of the family Christmas things we’ve done have been nice, there’s always the bittersweet edge to it all. Going home alone at the end of a family dinner. Being the ones that have to be flexible & accomodating around the kids. Watching the others spoil their kids, knowing that the gifts their parents & grandparents give them will always outshine what we give. The having fun times with a nibling, thats promptly followed by the thought “I’ll never get to do this with my own child”. It’s hard to fight against societies narrative that Christmas is all about the kids. It doesn’t need to be that way, but when some of the family do have children its quite likely their focus will be on their kids.

On top of that, my friends with kids, & functional families are spending this time of year planning their Christmas Traditions, having lots of catchups…they end up really busy…while I’m home on my own as my husband is away for work over Christmas & New Years. I’m very grateful for friends who have made plans & time that include me, and those moments will likely be the nicest ones, away from the tensions of family obligations. But it’s a fine line to walk between too much socialising & being over committed, & having enough company & distraction – it’s hard to get the balance right!

How are you managing this time of year? Any tips you’d like to share? How ever you choose to spend this festive, or not so festive, season, I hope you look after each other and have others look after you – and hopefully you can have some nice moments in there too. xo

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3 thoughts on “That Festive Season.

  1. We decided to just do Christmas every other year to ease up the pressure we put on ourselves, as last year when I made a feeble attempt at it I was so moody from the IVF drugs that I took the tree down two days before Christmas and it just sat there bare as our house seemed so incredibly empty. So this year already doing is making dinner at home just the two of us, no gifts or decor or anything like that, pretty much doing our best to ignore it and treat it like any other day off. Not easy of course but there’s a nice thing and having no obligation and the only holiday thing I really do is give canned goodies to my clients and service providers as thank yous. It doesn’t eliminate the emotional hole in my heart but at least it helps mask it and now the countdown begins until the damn holiday is over and I can focus on welcoming in a new year which will hopefully be a better one.

    How’s that for tips hahaha…

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  2. I struggle so much with Christmas, that this year and last year we went away with my parents, to escape. It’s worked well, I can forget its Christmas and just lie in the sun relaxing. My husbands Mum doesn’t want to come away with us though, so I don’t think we’ll be able to do it for a third year running, we’ll probably need to spend next Christmas at home – I’m dreading it already! Take care and look after yourself xx

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  3. I’m hoping you got through the season okay, and that you’re now enjoying summer and the New Year. December is the month when I have ectopic anniversaries, and so for some years I dreaded it. Everything – the TV movies, the pohutukawa, the Christmas carols, you name it – reminded me of the losses of previous years. But these days I am able to enjoy it, without much of a twinge, if any.Time helps. Escaping helps too, if you’re at all able to do that! I’m a big fan of escaping at Christmas.

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