World Kindness Day 2018

Today, Nov. 13th is World Kindness Day. It’s my kinda day – with all I’ve been through I’ve lost my belief in a lot of things, but I still believe in kindness….probably even more strongly. A charity I’m part of, Good Bitches Baking, has the goal to make New Zealand, Aotearoa the kindest place on earth. Gotta love a good ‘fuck off’ goal, and I definitely love this one. They’re asking people to start conversations about why #KindnessMatters to you, and to make some noise about kindness. So I thought I’d write a post about the different kindnesses I’ve been on the receiving end of during our infertility trials. (And it’s a good way to take a moment to focus on the positives and feel gratitude which they say is good for healing…win win really!)

  • My best friend lives in another city, several times she posted me ‘just because’ gifts and sometimes she even posted me cake. Besides the fact I love getting mail, having something pretty or sweet turning up unexpectedly in the mail really made my day – it was what got me through another week sometimes.
  • My Mother-In-Law and Sister-In-Law, on a couple of different occasions, left dinner on my front door step while my husband was away, so when I got home from University classes I didn’t have to think about making myself dinner. And there was generally enough for another night or 2 too! Having one less thing to think about freed up a little mental energy which made a bit more space for coping.
  • A friend, who (in the nicest possible way) I hadn’t thought was super close, sent us flowers after the 2 miscarriages she knew about, and recently texted to see how I was doing, knowing it was about the time our baby would have been due.
  • My siblings and parents chipped in for two of my sister-in-laws to surprise me with a night away, winery tour, shopping, sunshine & lovely company. It’s a good distraction when you feel like your world is falling apart.
  • My brother stopped by to say hi, and brought me coffee.
  • A new (as in length of time we’ve known each other) friend offered hop on a plane and come spend the weekend with me so I didn’t need to be alone with my grief. That thought meant a lot. Same friend also sent ‘just because’ gifts that really showed she knows me.
  • A person I met in an online support group, joined my Christmas Ornament swap, and sent me an extra special Christmas decoration along with the ornament. Sometimes people you haven’t actually met in real life can be life savers.
  • Friends got together and organised the delivery of a care package after our miscarriage.
  • Another brother and his wife, bought us a plant to remember one of our babies by.
  • The nurse that prepped me for my first D&C, called me a mum, and very gently talked through the process.
  • Dr Devora Lieberman from twitter sent me a copy of her book.
  • A group of friends who I met through Twitter, but have transitioned to offline friends too (not that online only friends are any less!) organised a email roster – so I got an email every day of our last treatment. It was truely an amazing thing, to receive an email from someone who cares about you, every day, with no expectations of engagement/response. A small moment of care & distraction that got me through each stressful day xx

And while I’ve mentioned a lot of ‘things’ being delivered or given to me, it’s not about the things. It’s about the fact that someone took the time to think about me, and to let me know they were thinking about me. I can feel lonely at the best of times, so when life is a struggle those lonely feelings can amplify, having someone reach out in those times really makes a huge difference.

Let’s keep this conversation going – what kindnesses have you given or received? Why does #KindnessMatter to you?

*Disclaimer: this is by no means an exhaustive list of all the kindnesses I’ve been on the receiving end of.

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3 thoughts on “World Kindness Day 2018

  1. It warms my heart to know you have had those kind people in your life through such hard times. Kindness through infertility means the world. Every little thought and gesture. For a while I had an absence of such kindness from the people I was surrounded with and I learned a lot through that experience (the silence was deafening), but I will never forget yours and I will always cherish those few people who stepped in when I was let down by others. My online community and support groups were everything at that time. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through but I want you to know I think of you often x

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  2. You are very fortunate to have had people recognize your grief – we’ve had no one, ever, reach out to us beyond my husband’s stepmother, ask the world we know seems to prefer to ignore it all. Just the other day I mentioned to a girlfriend who had texted me what I thought of the Easter holiday (her favorite) and I said I couldn’t deal with it because it’s all about children, and her response was… nothing. I wish I could find someone in my non blog life to fucking acknowledge my pain.

    Sorry I just hijacked this comment to talking about myself. I do like celebrating kindness and one thing I love about moving to the country is that when I go for a walk people who drive by actually wave from their cars and I don’t even know them. That’s kindness. 🙂

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  3. What a lovely post – uplifting and moving and gives hope all at the same time. And it sounds like you have some truly warm and kind people around you. Thank you. x
    ps I love the sound of ‘Good Bitches Baking’ – I must look them up!

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