A few weeks ago I womaned up, and booked an appointment with a psychologist. Just getting the appointment is not that easy, as most of them have a couple of months waitlist here! I was a bit unsure of going, meeting someone new, having to talk about myself, and I thought I was doing ok – but I’d said I’d get some help once I got to the quieter part of the year, so I made myself go ahead with it. And I figured, even if I didn’t get anything out of it, I’d at least get the experience of being on the receiving side, which would be useful since I want to be a psychologist when I finish studying.
I’m glad I did – I’ve been back a second time now, and have some more sessions booked. I have a suspicion I’ll need to go for a while. It’s not easy, but sometimes the best self-care is doing the hard things, what needs to be done, not what is the most comfortable.
I think particularly when dealing with fertility treatment, we get so used to just keeping on keeping on. We survive, we put one foot in front of the other. Tick another appointment off, another cycle off, keep plastering that smile on, keep doing whats expected of us. It takes a bit of time after treatment to realise that that doesn’t have to be how it is all the time. Asking for help doesn’t come naturally for me, but I realised that while I could keep on keeping on, I’d done it for years after all, now it was time to stop focussing on surviving, and figure out how to start thriving.
Hindsight also has me thinking, I probably should have made more use of the counselling services offered through out treatment – so if you’re going through treatment, or coming out the other side (what ever that looks like), I’d recommend taking care of yourself by finding a good counsellor or psychologist – for you and your partner, together and individually. Because infertility takes a toll on all aspects of life, and you deserve to have a life thats more than just surviving xo
Sliding Doors 
Couldn’t agree more. We had gone to a couple of RESOLVE group meetings and didn’t find a lot of commonality with the people in those but did get a great referral to a therapist for 1:1 stuff for Dan & I to go to both together and individually during treatment. With treatment over, financially we’re having a hard time justifying it and waiting for the therapist to get signed up onto insurance plans which is going to be several months’ wait (otherwise it’s $80/hr which we can no longer afford). I cannot WAIT to get back in – she was so good for both of us and while she has an infertility support focus (so I didn’t have to explain anything to her about terminology, etc.), she’s also helped both of us deal with other “stuff” as we face this and the upcoming chapters of life. Congratulations for finding someone you like, by the way – I always wished I could have “downloaded” my past therapy sessions when we started going to this lady to save time, haha…
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I’m a massive advocate of counselling, it has done me the world of good over the past 3 years. And self-care is the most important thing. I heard someone talking about it the other day and they said it’s like those safety videos on an aeroplane before you take off – you put your oxygen mask on first and then you help others, because you are no use if you’ve passed out. That’s how I see self-care now, I’m helping me first, so I can then help others around me 💕
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Good for you – lining up counseling takes motivation and determination! It sounds like you have someone not oblivious to the perspectives of infertility and childlessness, which is crucial. So good to hear.
While counseling hasn’t filled in all my struggles, I have found it helpful off and on.
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